Some people have no trouble getting to know others. Ten minutes with someone new, and they’re chatting away as if they’ve known each other for years. But not everyone has such an easy time connecting with new people. Here’s a look at how to get to know someone on a deeper level without a ton of small talk.
First, ask genuine questions. Questions do serve a purpose when you’re getting to know someone. In fact, you’d probably have a hard time communicating without asking any questions at all. But it’s important to make sure you’re asking questions you’re really interested in. If you don’t like films, don’t ask “Have you seen any good movies lately?”
You’ll also need to stay present. We all feel distracted and unfocused at times, but not paying attention can come across as being disinterested, especially to someone who doesn’t know you well. If you feel your attention wandering, resist the urge to reach for your phone or otherwise check out of the conversation. Instead, take a mindful moment and remind yourself of what you’re doing — and why.
Finally, give it time. It can take more than 100 hours over a period of 3 months for a friendship to develop. It’s understandable to want to get closer to someone right away, but letting things naturally develop can have better results than forcing a friendship. Also keep in mind that friendships may not always work out. If you’ve made an effort but the two of you don’t seem to get on well, it’s perfectly acceptable to stop inviting and just be polite when you see them.
Comprehension
1) Why is it important to ask genuine questions when getting to know someone?
2) How can distraction during a conversation affect the impression you give to someone who doesn’t know you well?
3) Why is it sometimes better to let a friendship develop naturally instead of trying to force it?
Vocabulary
Match the words to the definition:
1) small talk
2) lately
3) distracted
4) wander
5) seem
6) get on well
a) not paying attention
b) recently
c) to walk or travel randomly, without a plan
d) general questions you ask when you don’t know someone
e) to have a good relationship
f) to give the impression of something
Grammar Highlights
“Such” has the same meaning as “so”, but is used before nouns:
“But not everyone has such an easy time connecting with new people.”
*This article was adapted from another article to make it more suitable for English learners. You can read the original article here.