Some people have no trouble getting to know others. Ten minutes with someone new, and they’re chatting away as if they’ve known each other for years. But not everyone has such an easy time connecting with new people. When trying to find out more about a new acquaintance, asking questions is certainly a good starting point, it’s only part of the equation. Here’s a look at how to get to know someone on a deeper level without a ton of small talk.
First, ask genuine questions. Questions do serve a purpose when you’re getting to know someone. In fact, you’d probably have a hard time communicating without asking any questions at all. But it’s important to make sure you’re asking questions you’re truly interested in. Not much of a film person? Don’t feel like you have to rattle off the age-old “Seen any good movies lately?”
Next, you need to accept the awkwardness. People often default to rapid, superficial questioning when they sense a lull in the conversation. But this initial awkwardness is totally normal. A 2018 study found it usually takes about a month for conversation patterns to settle into a comfortable rhythm. In the meantime, try not to be too put off by any moments of silence or awkwardness that might come up.
You’ll also need to stay present. We all feel distracted and unfocused at times, but zoning out can come across as being disinterested, especially to someone who doesn’t know you well. If you feel your attention wandering, resist the urge to reach for your phone or otherwise check out of the conversation. Instead, take a mindful moment and remind yourself of what you’re doing — and why.
Finally, give it time. It can take more than 100 hours over a period of 3 months for a friendship to develop. It’s understandable to want to get closer to someone right away, but letting things naturally develop can have better results than forcing a friendship. Also keep in mind that friendships may not always work out. If you’ve made an effort but the two of you don’t seem to click, it’s perfectly acceptable to stop extending invitations and just make polite conversation when you see them.
Comprehension
1) What is the purpose of asking questions when getting to know someone, according to the article?
2) How can someone deal with the initial awkwardness of meeting someone new?
3) Why is it important to stay present during a conversation when getting to know someone?
Vocabulary
Match the words to the definition:
1) acquaintance
2) part of the equation
3) rattle off
4) lull
5) In the meantime
6) to click
a) in the time where you are waiting for something
b) someone that you know but not well
c) to get on well with someone immediately
d) an expression meaning part but not everything
e) a quiet or down point
f) To list many things quickly without thinking
Grammar Highlights
We use “do” as an auxiliary verb in positive sentences in order to emphasize:
“Questions do serve a purpose when you’re getting to know someone.”
*This article was adapted from another article to make it more suitable for English learners. You can read the original article here.